We come together for sensual pleasure because it feels good to feel good with others. Contra Charlotte and Virginia, I like the taste and ‘relish’ of solo-pleasure -- but the reason I love interactive sensual massage so much is that there is truly nothing more awe-inspiringly hot than shared pleasure.
The alchemy of mutual touch is so powerful that it can sometimes generate an ecstatic state of being that Sheri Winston (award-winning author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal and Succulent Sex Craft), calls ‘conjoined trance”.
In conjoined trance, the biorhythms of both individuals begin to synchronize through mirror neurons. Their heartbeats harmonize, breathing synchronizes and brain oscillations begin to correspond.
This artful exchange of touch is an exquisite experience for client and bodyworker alike, but it also requires high levels of attunement, communication and awareness, as there are many hazards that can easily derail potential passengers on “conjoined trance” train.
Here’s the top three interactive touch hazards to avoid:
1. As a client, the first hazard is that you may start working so hard to please the other person, that you lose connection with your own sense of pleasure as the receiver of the massage.
You also might distract yourself with thoughts - is she having a good time? Am I doing this right? - and then lose touch with both your pleasure and hers because you’re so consumed with anxious thoughts. Often, the easiest way to get out of your head and back into your body is to slow down, breathe and if desired, do a verbal check-in with your partner.
2. At the other end of the spectrum, the second hazard is that you may unintentionally offer unwanted or unpleasant touch. This is particularly likely if you are so overcome by your own arousal that you don’t have the capacity to read the other person’s arousal level and the corresponding type of touch they want. Caught up in the heat of our passion, it’s easy to project our own desire or preferences on others.
Occasionally, for example, after the first 20 minutes of simply receiving a full body massage, a client may turn over and reach out to touch me directly on my pussy or breasts, before touching anywhere else. Driven by their own desire for intimate touch, their attempt at pleasuring me feels jarring rather than sensual because my body hasn’t had the same warm-up of 20 minutes of touch on non-intimate areas.
3. The final hazard is that you end up with what I call a Gift of the Magi massage. This happens when both the client and bodyworker are focused on trying to please the other person that you end up in touch-version of O. Henry's christmas story, the Gift of the Magi, where no one is actually able to fully receive and enjoy the other’s gift. In one sense, it's a romantic story of self-sacrificing love, but this kind of unmet exchange invariably robs a sensual encounter of charge, spark and pleasure.
So, how do we make sure that our sensual touch is easy to offer and happily received? Check back next week for my upcoming post, Simple Tips for Sensual Touch.